jed (xonexhopex) wrote,

5 months in

ironically enough, things were so much simpler , albeit in certain areas, when i had my fallback "just get fucked up enough and you'll be somewhere different". stone sobriety is rough, but exciting. im finding myself feeling the feelings i felt when i was 6 or 7 years old, incredibly visceral and when misunderstood, painful feelings and emotions. and i remembered my brain is very , very wondrous and mystery-intrigued. every social situation and interpersonal relationship requires its own delve into deep thought on the subject, which i do enjoy, but do you turn it off. and how do you just enjoy things for exactly what they are and nothing less? and being alone is interesting, and also painful, when i misinterpret and misunderstand it. i think thats what im realizing, that anything i dont immediately understand my mind will file under "pain". but im working through it, im working through it all. lots of good things are happening again, and my life is simple these days. hrm. how bout that.
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You don't turn them off,
You learn to let them go.

You enjoy things exactly as they are
by being spiritually satisfied
and needing nothing but what is right in front of you.


May I add you as a friend?
Haha, maybe now you can understand my deep thought on way too many random things. It can be great, but she's right, you learn to roll with it and don't necessarily turn it off.

...Dear lord please stay sober.